Noahs_arkThe recent movie Evan Almighty takes a humorous modern-day approach to the well known story of Noah building an ark in response to God’s command.

Let’s face it, Noah had quite a task! Of course if he was building in today’s environment, it would be even more difficult.

Here’s a funny parody … enjoy!

If Noah lived in Australia

… and the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one year, I am going to make it rain and cover the whole earth with water until all flesh is destroyed. I want you to save the righteous people and two of every kind of living thing on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to build an Ark."

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the specifications for an Ark. In fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and agreed to build the Ark. "Remember" said the Lord, "You must complete the Ark and bring everything aboard in one year."

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds covered the earth and all the seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord saw Noah was sitting in his front yard weeping. "Noah," He said. "Where is the Ark?"

"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. "I did my best, but there were big problems. First, I had to get a permit for construction and your plans did not comply with the codes. I had to hire an engineering firm and redraw the plans. Then I got into a fight with Occupational Health & Safety Commission over whether or not the Ark needed a fire sprinkler system and flotation devices."

"Then my neighbour objected, claiming I was violating zoning ordinances by building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to lodge a Rezoning Application with the City Council and it is now with the Land and Environment Court. I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark, because there was a ban on cutting trees to protect the Kookaburra. I finally convinced the Department of Conservation & Land Management that I needed the wood to save the kookaburras."

"However, National Parks & Wildlife won’t let me catch any kookaburras, so, no kookaburras. The carpenters formed a union and went out on strike. I had to negotiate a settlement with the Department of Industrial Relations before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer. Now, I have 16 carpenters on the Ark, but still no kookaburras."

"When I started rounding up the other animals, I got sued by the RSPCA. They objected to me only taking two of each kind aboard. Just when I got the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I could not complete the Ark without filing an environmental impact statement on Your proposed flood. They didn’t take very kindly to the idea that they had no jurisdiction over the conduct of the Creator of the universe."

"Then the Department of Land & Water Conservation demanded a map of the proposed new flood plain. I sent them a complete set of Melway’s maps. Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint filed with the Equal Employment Opportunity Commission that I am practicing discrimination by not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard. The Australian Tax Office has seized my assets, claiming that I’m building the Ark in preparation to flee the country to avoid paying taxes. I also have to wait for the registration of my ABN for the GST."

"I just got a notice from the Waterways Authority that I owe them some kind of user tax and failed to register the Ark as a ‘recreational water craft’. I also need a Boat Drivers License but they are debating about how to classify the craft. I am getting continual visits from Greenpeace, the RSPCA, Work Cover and numerous other government departments."

"Finally, the Australian Council for Civil Liberties got the courts to issue an injunction against further construction of the Ark, saying that since God is flooding the earth, it is a religious event and therefore unconstitutional. I really don’t think I can finish the Ark for another 5 or 6 Years!"

Noah wailed.

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine and the seas began to calm. A rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up hopefully. "You mean you are not going to destroy the earth Lord?"

"No", said the Lord sadly. "I don’t have to. The government bureaucracy has beaten me to it! So I’ll send a drought instead."

[Source Unknown]

6 thoughts on “Noah and the Ark

  1. Nothing to do with the ark, I just wanted to tell you that the sermon you gave today at 11.15 spoke to me at a very deep level. I want to give everyone I know a copy of the CD. John Bevere was awesome and I was challenged, but today was the icing on the cake. My daughter (22) was also deeply impacted and it has given us a such a sense of joy bubbling up and a kind of excitement about what God is going to do as we walk in new ways. We have been coming to Knox now for 12 months and we love it more each week. I thank God for your ministry and am so grateful to be part of such an exciting church. Thankyou.

  2. Dear Mark, hi I am new to Citylife and am thoroughly enjoying it. I saw John Bevere last Saturday and felt I had to tell you that his talk made me feel sad, not good enough for God and left me feeling confused. If God has everything I will do in the book of life, if it is already written and I’m living to the best of my ability how can John say I may not be living what God has called me to do? This life is hard work and now that I’ve found God i thought he was a comforter, healer and would guide me on my path. I just wanted to let you know how I felt.I really enjoy learning about Jesus and reading the Bible and I pray my faith gets stronger and stronger. Thanks

  3. Shalom! I consider my Christian journey as making decision (John 3:16-18) and making disciples (Matthew 28:18-20). The two cannot be separated. In reponse to His love and salvation for me, I can only humble myself before God like Joshua – “But as for me and my household, we will serve the LORD.” (Joshua 24:15). The lesson for us to learn in the midst of the enormous pressures to perform or succeed is that we are not the answer to every need – in fact, Christ is. Christian ministry in doing God’s will is participating in what God is already doing in Christ in the power of the Holy Spirit. As Christians, it is an honour for us to follow Christ in our daily living and to partner with Him in His on-going mission in our world.

  4. Hi Deborah. Thanks for your comment. I can understand your frustration. Please read today’s blog post on ‘God’s will’ – I think you’ll find it helpful!

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