Yesterday, we started talking about the mystery of our emotions. 
I am a fairly optimistic person and therefore I have a lot of positive emotions. My family have called me everything from 'Peter Pan' to ‘Tigger'. Yes, I do have a lot of enthusiastic energy … usually from the moment I wake up. 
In the first few decades of my life, I had little experience with some of the darker emotions of life such as sadness, grief, disappointment and depression. But as life has gone on, these have come into my world and added new colours to my life. 
Three years ago, Nicole and I were in the midst of what seemed like the perfect storm. We were experiencing a diverse array of negative emotions at the time – worry, fear, anxiety, anger, confusion, uncertainty and yes, sadness.
As we took off on a plane for our mid-year holidays I wrote a poem unpacking the sadness that I felt. 
It’s okay to feel sadness. Even Jesus wept. The Psalmist even believed that God stores our tears in a bottle.
Overwhelming sadness
Like a wave crashing hard
A dam of tears about to burst
I can barely hold it back
Is this it?
Paradise lost
Dreams faded
Hope run dry
Do I want out?
Back to simplicity
Is this what life's meant to be?
Return to innocence
Feeling alone
Too many hills climbed
Can I take one more?
Uncharted territory
Unfathomable complexity
Perplexing riddle
Trying to be solved
Incredibly tired
Out of reserves
Running on empty
Emotionally rung out
Time for a break
Replenishing holiday
Away to the mountain
Drink deeply of the river
Fresh perspective
No hasty decisions
Do what's right
No reactionary emotionalism
Another storm to navigate
Think clearly
Stand still
Be courageous
Stay the course

12 thoughts on “The Mystery of our Emotions (Part 2)

  1. More wise and beautiful words from you, Mark. Thank you so much for your great Blogs – I send them to so many people!! So they are going all around the world! Keep up the good work, love and blessings to you and Nicole.

  2. Not the frist time to read this poem Mark. It’s an encouragement to us all that we are only human and Juses wept too. Like what you said, we all need to be “Think clearly, Stand still, Be courageous, Stay the course”! Hope to see you again in CityLife!

  3. Pastor Mark,
    Who would have thought all these emotions , were running through your head.
    You were our beautiful Pastor, who was strong, Gentle, kind , run a tight ship, taught us so much, helped us to grow.
    You never displayed any negative emotion, i certainly would have prayed for you differently.
    I will continue to pray for you , May our God richly bless this season in your lives, you are very loved.
    Linda and Les

  4. You certainly have been through a lot of emotions. Hope you are doing much better now. A great encouragement to us to think about our emotions. We are going well and love village life. Love to you and Nicole. Diane and Allan Lancaster

  5. Dear Pastor,
    Louisa our daughter shared with us in the car after attending bayside service when you preach. She said with some tears in her eyes: this is how Mark Conner love us guarding CityLife not wanting us to know what he and family is going through.
    Ravi Zacharias shared this week on Lightfm digital that he is on the road for 200 days to me that means he has not been back home that period of time working and he is struggling. In the middle of one message as he is preaching he heard God telling him keep preaching I am with you. Ravi encourage us to keep defending our faith and our family.
    Thank you for defending fighting in meekness.
    Mark Leong

  6. Dear Mark,
    Thank you very much for sharing your beautiful poem. It is a great encouragement for me. I have been following your blog for three years and it is a great source of support for me. I pray blessings on you and all your family.
    With love and great respect,

  7. Dear Mark, thank you for sharing some of your intimate thoughts and emotional struggles so openly with us. I am not surprised to hear you felt that way at some point as I’m sure your position in leadership laid you and your family open to much scrutiny and harsh criticism through the years. Despite the perceived blessings and status that many would have seen as something they craved leadership comes with the unique challenge of being required to justify yourself in almost everything in a way most of us would assume to be an inordinate violation of our privacy. I’m sorry that has happened to you and pray that any fallout from that will be covered by the healing balm of gilead as you continue to seek and serve our Lord. Blessings to you both Mark. Kristeen

  8. Thanks for your kind words, Kristeen. They mean a lot to me.
    Yes, you are right – being a leader has its privileges and its responsibilities, its joys and its shadows or darker sides.
    We are really enjoying this current season of life and ministry. Finding new amounts of joy we haven’t experienced in years 🙂
    Thanks again

  9. Thanks Diane.
    Yes, we sure are.
    We miss people but not the burden of being responsible for such a large, complex organisation with so many competing demands on your time and energy.
    Love to you and Alan too

  10. Hi Mark
    Yes, it is a challenge as a leader to be authentic and real, yet also to realise that you can’t bleed all of your emotions and challenges on people all the time. Finding the balance takes wisdom and we don’t always get it right.
    Retrospect is a wonderful thing!
    Love to you and the family

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