Okay, confession time … I have had a few clangers – or bloopers, as most people call them - in my life as a public speaker. These are embarrassing moments when you get your words mixed up or say something that has a different meaning than you intended.
Here are my Top 3 Bloopers - for your enjoyment:
- "The church is a living orgasm …" [instead of "… a living organism …"]
- "There were lots of people following Jebus, I mean Jesus …" [no comment necessary]
- "A man came and did some staff training for us a few years back. He had three balls. He took them out and started juggling them …" [no additional comment necessary]
Yes, these were very embarrassing moments!
Here are a few other bloopers that I have heard, made by other people (whose name I will protect):
- "… the diery farts of the wicked one …" [instead of "… the fiery darts of the wicked one …"]
- "… I was so tired and puffed out that I was grasping for breasts …" [instead of … "gasping for breath"]
- "… Lot was pinching his tits …" [Instead of "… pitching his tents." Click here to view the evidence]
How about you?
Have you heard any others?
I'd love to hear your comments … 🙂
P.S. For some church bulletin bloopers, click here.
P.S.S. For some 'prophetic bloopers', click here.
What a crack up Mark – thanks!
Many years ago we went to a conference in Malaysia and were honored that the Malaysian Minister for Tourism agreed to come to welcome our group of several hundred people. My then boss got up and said ” Please welcome Mr…… the “Miniature” for Tourism for Malaysia. When the Minister went to the podium we could barely see him over the lecturn….then muffled laughter could be heard all over the auditorium. Very embarrassing (particularly in that culture) but very funny. We never let my boss forget it!
Thanks Mark…
Some time ago when Prince Charles visited his old school, Geelong Grammer, he shook my nephew’s hand and asked for his name. My nephew told him his name and then asked Charles, “..and what is your name?” 🙂
Too Funny!!! My personal best was when I was speaking to a group of high school students and was attempting to explain that none of us are perfect. Unfortunately, what I said was, “We all have cracks and holes”! It took about 5 minutes for the laughter to settle and the rest of my message was lost forever.
My husband is renowned for his language bloopers. I could write pages! One night we were going for a walk to talk over some very depressing news, his band was breaking up, and I had no idea what to say, Glyn looked up at the sky and very seriously said, “It’s a stark and dormy night tonight.” I burst out laughing and the two of us ended up in hysterics. There are not a lot of serious moments that haven’t been given the Glyn treatment!
Several years ago the pastor of our former church (a wonderful man that I have great deal of respect for) stated that we were “a multi-faith church”! (He meant multi-ethnic…..)
I heard one preacher who was finishing a mint he had put in his mouth prior to stepping on the platform say:
“See I can suck and preach at the same time”
At a church we once attended we had a visiting (female) speaker. She was referring to the beauty of the sunshine that God was giving us at the time & used her home as an example. Bad move.
She went on to say how wonderfully warm it was when the sun shone in her back passage!! Woops..
Mark calls me “Lord” or “Dunny” when he’s tired – one of them has profound theological ramifications.
My father heard a preacher in Glasgow, Scotland many years ago, reaching the climax of his fiery sermon tell the congregation boldly
“Satan is like an octopus, he tries to surround you and crush you with his testicles.” (rather than tentacles)
Enough reasons alone to give one’s life to Jesus!
Mark Gordon
hahahaha
hilarious!